Transition

Dont let the title fool you. I am not embracing my inner bird to become an Avion in my day to day life. Although... No I wont do it. I wont... Ca Caw!

Now that that little bit of funny stuff is out of the way .... No the transition Im talking about is a far more natural one. Perrimenopause.

Turns out it is an unexpected blood bath.

Right in the middle of Gregs birthday breakfast with the kids.

I stood up and an unanticipated gushing began. With the drop of a blood clot the size and texture of a liver, a flood of crimson was released.

In an hr I had soaked through an overnight pad and ended up needing to leave the party to find unsoiled clothes at the corner store. Go catamounts!

Its been 2.5 days since the start. The river ran wild for 30 hrs. Its still running but at a much more natural pace.

Blood loss has left me, foggy brained, weak and achy. Im in no shape to work. All I want to do is sleep. I see the dr tomorrow morning.

In other news... my emotional being got churned up recently in ways I have not experienced in lifetimes. Im not going to

dive into those details here. Just that even a big swath of Catholic Guilt hit me after a moment where I momentarily lost all of my mind while I kept all my senses. There was no losing them. Only filling them completely. Succumbing to Scent and Sensations. Good Lord did I.

Pleasure is a sin!

Wow that conditioning runs deep. I backpeddle against it. Fighting the urge to go to the nunnary. I really did look up the local nunnary.

If nothing else, While swimming in these emotions ,I realized how I keep myself from reading, writing and other activites because I find them pleasurable. And I realize how much I need to change that.

Im on the otherside of the churn now. My seas have settled. And I find nothing changed, but also, nothing is the same and I dont understand. And that is really the shame.